I never met anyone who regrets playing an instrument as a kid
UncategorizedFrom our agony aunt’s mailbag:
Dear Alma,
I’m in middle school and my mom said I have to take music lessons until the end of the school year. But I really hate playing music! I’ve tried a lot of different music instruments and I hate them all.
It’s no fun trying to read music when I don’t want to. How I survive the rest of the year?
Sad
Dear Sad,
It’s never easy to be a parent, or a pre-teen, or anyone at all, actually. Being alive is hard. It takes perseverance and we all deal with frustrations, talking to people we don’t want to talk to, studying things in school that seem completely irrelevant, and doing annoying stuff like cleaning the litter box and putting the dishes away.
I know it’s hard to see it from your standpoint, but all of these things, which are asked of you, and are asked from a variety of different people and circumstances, are all designed to help prepare you to be a successful, happy, productive adult. Have you ever heard mum or dad complain about work, their boss, having to clean out the gutters or figure out what to make for dinner? Or, getting passed over for a job promotion or opportunity because they didn’t have the right training or degree from school?
It’s these reasons that your mum insists that you play music. To understand the need for routine, working on new skills like reading music, playing with others, working through problems and finding solutions. It will make you smarter, more resilient, compassionate, and passionate.
From your mom’s perspective, it will also put you in a group of potential friends whose parents also share her goals for their kids.
So, just do it. Don’t think about it too much. Talk to your mum, ask her to help you find the right teacher, create a routine, even go to some concerts together. And stick with one instrument until you graduate from high school.
I’ve never met anyone who regrets having played an instrument as a kid, only those who regret quitting. And if you are sad, your instrument will be your perfect partner to get those feelings out.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to [email protected]
But it’s not true that music lessons were “asked of” the letter writer; they were forced on him or her. Yes, having a child “working on new skills” rather than playing video games all day is a good idea, but the child should choose the skills that he or she wants to develop. As a child, I was forced to take piano lessons, which made me determined not to do the same to my child. I let her decide what interested her, and she chose art lessons.
Dear Sad, I totally get it. I was finally allowed to quit band aged 14. I was thrilled to get out of it. A year and a half later, I went back; couldn’t have my old instrument, because, as the band director said “You weren’t very good, Sue, and you didn’t practise.” The only instrument available was a shabby old tuba. And here I am many decades later, a tuba player and teacher!
Just do it, dear Sad. You don’t know where it will lead. Sometimes mothers do know best.
You didn’t practice when you were forced to but apparently did when it was voluntary. Maybe mother didn’t know best.
Nonsense. I’ve met many who didn’t like their music lessons and were very glad when they ended. I enjoyed them for a while and when I reached my limitations, I stopped without regrets.
“Only those who regret quitting…” Amen to that. I might have resented all the time put into practicing in my youth, but being able to play at a decent level opened doors later in life that never would have happened. Three very lengthy tours in China, playing at the Konzerthaus and Eisenstadt in Austria, participating in summer opera festivals in Mexico, Colombia and Brazil. Playing in Cowboy Bands at Rodeos all over the American West. Involvement with two presidential inaugurations. And best of all, being able to meet and work with other musicians from all over the world. I wish every young person would take up an instrument and keep music as a hobby if nothing else; the world would be a much better place.
Why “just do it”? If you do not enjoy it, then it becomes akin to drudgery. My older sister was sent to piano lessons and loathed them. Apparently I created a fuss that she got to go to lessons and I didn’t (why I cannot now recall). So my parents gave in. My sister gave up after a year and never for a moment regretted it. Years later she started enjoying going to operas and concerts. I stayed the course and ended up in a decades-long career in music magement! If a child does not enjoy music lessons, they should give up.
I’ve met plenty who were foirced to play an instrument in Britain!, or forced through the grade system!
I suspect Alma must have quite a small or self-selecting acquaintance. Not everybody likes music and I can think of no better way to put people off it than to force them to play something when they don’t want.
Other people would say much the same for team games. I was forced to play rugby for five years: the most miserable times of my life. They taught me the very useful life skill of running along with the pack while avoiding actually touching the ball or getting muddy, but I don’t think that was the intention.
Sad, it’s quite simple. Just don’t practice or just make random sounds when you’re asked to. Your parents and your teachers will get tired quite quickly and, with any luck, you’ll be able to concentrate on something you do enjoy.
I LOVE music! Learning to read music at 4 or 5 was one of the best gifts ever. Even though my place is definitely in the audience, the childhood lessons continue to provide vale and joy to my life – just not as a performer.
As a music teacher I do not believe it is always beneficial to be put through music lessons to learn an instrument. If you don’t enjoy it, why? There are specific musical interests I have (writing music, singing, collaboration, etc. ) and those are fun, and having to do musical things i don’t like (trying to play woodwinds) really sucks. Why not advise a child to learn a new skill they have passion for? There’s no reason for music to be performed by those who are disengaged, just like there’s no reason to hold a sporting event with disengaged athletes. One size does not fit all.
Nata is so right. A child must have a passion for what they do outside school hours. That passion may take a few weeks or months to develop, but without it the poor child is forced into something he/she might end up loathing later in life.
I played upright bass from 8-18, when I finally left for college. It made my parents happy, but not me, and definitely left a bad taste and a rift between me and my parents. I’m 30 now and I have happily never looked back, though that rift still exists. So, “just do it” is terrible advice. An open discussion between you and your family is needed, as your a kid, but also a human with your own desires and interests that needs to be respected.